Ahhhh ! Oh my god, my second journal ! It's like a second life. I remember the first time I wrote in Rogue in public, and I thought that everyone was looking at me. I felt shy, but at the same time I didn't care! So many things have changed since then. I tell myself that I have mentally grown, but as I have grown, I have realized that growth just means that there are just more questions, and more opportunities that open up, and there is no end to any of it, it just continues and continues forever. If it doesn't continue forever, and there really is a plateau, you haven't really accomplished anything unless you climb down to climb others.
I wanted to start you off with a name but I haven't found anything yet. Should I keep calling you Rogue? Rogue 2? Not give you a name at all? Does having no name, a name in itself? Will you be as great as Rogue? Was Rogue even that good? I say that it was. Could Rogue have been better? Everything can be better. Do I regret not making it better? Never. It would be funny if the spirit of “Rogue” could write in this journal. I guess that I am “Rogue”, so in essence “Rogue” is writing in this journal, but have I changed since “Rogue”? Am I the same person that wrote “Rogue” ? “Rogue” page 1 is different from “Rogue” page 200. I am an ever changing “Rogue”. I find myself less inspired than before, but I'm inspired enough to write and to realize that I am, indeed, less inspired. Can we inspire ourselves from our own inspiration? Of course we can! Boredom can inspire! Sadness! Happiness! I wonder which emotion inspires the least. The most? Is it different for everyone? I think that every emotion inspires us in a different way. Is it possible to be without emotion? Is having no emotion an emotion? Do psychopaths only have one emotion, no emotion, or different emotions on a very small scale? I wonder what emotions I am feeling right now. I have no idea.
A bum just passed and asked me for money, I gave him everything I had in my pocket...12 cents. He looked at me funny. What was he thinking? Did he think I was an asshole for giving him so little? The guy beside me gave him nothing. Is it better to give nothing, or to give a little bit? When you are used to not getting money from people, you continue on with your day, but when you are given a small amount, does one think “This guy is a scrooge!” Does the hobo see you as a better person by giving nothing, or by giving a very small amount? If a person is viewed as “good” his whole life, and one day he does something “bad”, will he be judged harder than someone who is “bad” his whole life and does one “good” thing? The “bad” person does bad things his whole life, we are used to it, but when he does something “good”, WOW! The “good” person does one thing “bad” and WOAH THERE BUDDY!
What's the solution to all of this? Be “crazy”! People usually categorize others, they give them labels. If you are “good”, you are expected to do “good” things, if you are “bad”, you are expected to do “bad” things. But “Crazy”? You can get away with anything! You could say the most insane stuff, and people would just say “Ah, it's just him, that's the way he is! He's crazy!” Even crazy people kind of get away with murder using the insanity plea.
Have I already written all of this in Rogue? What if this new journal becomes exactly the same as my previous journal, the same ideas, the same thoughts. What is the point of me writing all of my thoughts down? Only you can decide. If I had a better memory, I the content of this journal would be...well better. Alright, I'm gonna go take a piss, I've been wanting to go since the beginning of this writing session. Would the content of these pages be different had I not wanted to go to the bathroom? All I know it that I'd be writing a lot slower, that's for sure...
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