09/07/2015

Imagine if one day, they create a machine where they can access the thoughts of people from the past, or the present. Imagine if the people from the future can access your life, your vision, your hearing, your smell, your touch, etc., as well as your mind. Would you change your behavior? We change our behavior in front of other people all the time, do we not? We are going to be different when our boss looks at us, when we are in the presence of our parents, or when we are in bed with our dog. So why not in front of this theoretical audience? I was going crazy when the subject arose out of my subconscious. How should I react? Do I feel judged? Are they watching my life a second time? Do I have “fans” of my life? A sect?

Did I please them in the beginning, and not anymore? Are some of them bored, and they now want to leave? Have they already left? Are some entering and leaving at this precise moment?  I didn’t know how to react. I had to accept that it was probable, and ignore it. But I still think about it from time to time, and sometimes I talk to them, “Hello my audience! Did you like it!?” In the future, will my spirit be able to access this machine so I can relive my life? (on the big screen) If I go see it twice, will the me who saw it the first time be in the same séance as the me who sees it the second time?  If so, can I sit besides that me?

(Hello all the me’s who are watching me! I love all of you, as well as the rest of my spectators!!) 

Imagine if someone is like, the biggest fan of me with my face on their shirt!

High Times calls for High Measures

Be the circle, or don't be the circle

If you are a Mango Tree, 

You cannot be an Apple Tree,

So be the best Mango you can be

Andrew hit me.

Andrew hit Mikael.

(Disconnect yourself by using the third person)

Women see the wolf,

be Happy like the cat! (rabbit!)

Be Awkward with Confidence!

Be Inspired Now!

Pressure, pressure, write something! 

But why! 

Don’t force yourself! 

No, force yourself! 

Change your music to inspire you! 

No, I like my music! 

Who are you talking to!? 

Why am I talking to myself! 

Am I one person? Two? Even more!? 

Naw, I’m just kidding, I am only myself for the moment, and multiple people at other times.  I decide who I want to be. 

Are you sure? That you are the one who decides?

Well yeah... I think... 

Hmm, well evidently, nothing is certain, everything is in your mind.

Or not...

The Bully was always You

The biggest bully in life is yourself. I feel like I am becoming stupider, that my brain is degenerating. They say that the brain modifies itself throughout life, even the shape of our brain constantly changes. I hope that, when I die, my brain will look like a cock and a uni-ball.

The brain bends and twists to deal with the horrors of life...

Sometimes it bends so much, it snaps in two... - Twisted Metal

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Or turns into a uni-balled dick!

Let the Past be the Past

Oh my rogue! I hate the person I have become! Always paranoid about living in the exterior world! Before I lived in my own mind, and it was awesome, I thought about things, I played games in my head, I was always preoccupied! Now, I live in the real world, I see things as they are and not how I can interpret them, and it’s boring. Buckingham really hasn’t helped me, all the drugs have stolen me from myself. I really want to be the Mika of the past, without any doubts, live life to the fullest every day, see the world differently, but it looks like all of that has finished. 

I don’t want to accept the person that I am today, I am bored when I am by myself, and I hate it. How do I become what I was before? I don’t know... It’s probably impossible, and I will be stuck in this mentality until the end of my life. I suppose I must accept who I am. 

After my “transformation”, I was scared of people, they are cruel, and I think they don’t even realise it, or it’s so ingrained in their nature, that they don’t even see it themselves. I understand the meaning behind “Haters gonna hate”. 

Sometimes I do or say things to myself or others without thinking and I ask myself “Why did I say that?” I don’t really mean it and I hope that the person didn’t think I said it on purpose. Anyways, I try to keep smiling, and I suppose that my poor memory helps me believe that everything is OK. I want to be above all of this like before.

The Virtual World

Imagine a virtual world, where you live with everyone else on the planet. Imagine you can create your own avatar! NO! I was going to say that if everyone was to create a beautiful looking avatar, everything would be based on personality. AH! Anyways, I just realized that every avatar would not all look like humans... but also mythical creatures, giant robots, extra terrestrials that come from far away galaxies! ...or a dick. 

Can you imagine a dick that walks around on the street, with his bag of groceries filled with croissants (Why would you shop in a virtual world?) while saying hello to Hot_Rug12XY, a guy who lays eggs every time that he cries out “Yololo!” 

Anyways, it would be a crazy world. I would love to go there for the giggles and shit.

The Little Test

I wonder what people do when they wait with no music, without anything. 

Are they philosophers? Maybe they are thinking of nothing. Maybe they are thinking about sex. Most people like to receive attention, or like to get complimented, or I don’t know. 

This is not at all my mentality, I’d prefer to be invisible. I think that before drugs in Buckingham, I was very much in my own world, and I landed on earth after receiving my diploma. I think differently than before, I don’t know. I feel like everyone else, but as time passes, I’m becoming more and more like I was pre-buckingham. I tend to believe I know how most people think, I feel like many people act like children, or animals as they very much follow their instincts and subconscious wants.

Here is a little test I created:

When you say something, ask yourself why you said it. Is there a reason? Is the reason a reflection from your past? Your intention with the person you said it to? 

Observe your own body language. If you have discovered the reason for what you said, or what you are doing, is that really the original reason for doing so, or is it just a reason you just created because you thought about it after the fact that you said or did it. Is everything that we do related to our wants? Or the world we want to live in? I suppose we interpret what we want with other people, but can we interpret what we want with ourselves also? I am an asshole, I am a god, I am nothing, I am everything and everything, I am nothing, I am the alpha and the omega, you are just visitors to me, because I am my own world. (Or are you also part of my world? Am I in your world?)

MoleBots

I thought about a movie idea that takes place in the future, where there are nanobots, machines smaller than molecules, that can be controlled by thought.

For example, if you think of a pen, all of the “molebots” (molecule robots) would come together to create a pen, the ink and the paper. When you write, the “molebots” would imprint themselves on paper. Then you would think about sending it to Tom, the paper would disintegrate and the “molebots” would send a message to Tom’s “molebots”, and reform itself, and the message that you wrote. 

Imagine if you were rich, and you had a couple billion “molebots”, you could build a house! Then you could move, disintegrate your house, and make it reappear somewhere else! You wouldn’t have to carry thing anymore! You could even create your own clothes! Now imagine that one day, all of these “molebots” don’t work anymore, you’d be butt naked and in a real shithole! 

That would be my movie, a terrorist group deploy a weapon where “molebots” can not be controlled anymore, everything would disintegrate (or not!) and people have to go back to their old ways, We can also throw in some kind of love story for the masses! :D 

For the special effects, I have no idea yet.

There is no problem

The first step to confront any problem, is to tell yourself there is no problem.

I’m talking about mental problems of course, I don’t think it would work for a physical problem, like if you didn’t have enough money to pay for your rent. But for mental problems, it works. Certain aspects of society creates lots of problems, we enlargen certain things. For example, a fetus who dies in a mother’s womb. It dies for a reason, the mother’s body sees that there is a problem with the child, so instead of putting an abnormal child into the world, the body kills it, like a natural abortion, but most people take this action as a catastrophe, making it a big scene.

If you have been affected by a catastrophe in your life, I think that talking about it is not the best solution. (Of course it helps to talk about it, what the fuck are you talking about Mr. Laporte...

....Now that I think about it, talking about your problems is the best solution....

You have to tell yourself that there is no problem. 

You have to continue life with no worries. 

Do people tell others their problems to get compassion from them? 

To gain pity? 

Now that I think about it, it does help to talk about the problem... maybe i’m contradicting myself again. <---Yes you are! Talk!!!

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A problem for one person is not necessarily a problem for someone else. 

Everyone deals with their problems in their own way.

(Talk about the problem?) 

<OR> 

(Tell yourself there is no problem?)

<OR>

(Talk about your non-problems?)

Turbulence, Alcohol and God

Sitting in the plane. The sun is shining above the clouds! My journal is a bit like twitter these days. Where am I? So so dead. The sun does me good. I wonder, if the plane explodes, will they find my little journal on my body? All destroyed? 

When I was younger, the only time I believed in god, was during huge turbulence sessions. The only time I ever liked turbulence was when I was drunk. I like to imagine that I am in a train when I am in plane, and in a plane when I am in a train.

I am the Observer Observing the Observer's Observing the Observer who is Observing Me.

I like to observe people in the airport. I know that it might seem weird, but I feel like there are people who wear certain clothes that do not reflect their personality. 

What about me, with my new haircut and big green coat, how am I presented to others? 

I find it funny to watch people when they are bored. Do you think it’s easy to approach them and start a conversation? I don’t think so, otherwise, in a plane, everyone would be talking to everyone!

Today, I have decided to not observe people. Today, I have decided to observe the people observing people. I find it a lot more interesting, especially guys checking out a woman, when they are with their significant other and don’t want to be caught by them. In front of me, there is a guy trying to sell raffle tickets to win a car. 10 pounds for a ticket! Why do people dress up nicely when riding on an airplane? Maybe the have a business meeting and they don’t have time to change? Your though process always astounds me Mr. Laporte...

I just saw my hero pass by! He had a crazy epic beard! Just to let you know, little journal, you are at Stansted airport, which I think I mentioned already, since I was in the toilet just moments ago. There are so many people who seem to be very bored, why don’t more people speak to each other? They should make special meeting rooms where people who want to can meet up for free! (in the airport!)

-I do not have a name for these special meeting places at the airport!

Ah, I like the guys looking at the car! They have a little smile on their face, I’m sure they are imagining being inside driving! “What if I won?” they tell themselves. It’s like they are checking out a woman. I find the ticket selling guy's reaction funny, as his behavior changes depending on the people that pass by him. With some, he doesn't care, with other, he is much more aggressive, others yet, he’s much more calm but seems more interested to sell his ticket. I wonder what his target market is. I think it’s well dressed people around the age of 40+. Now there are potential clients, but the ticket man is gone! What’s the point of wearing fancy clothes if you’re not even gonna get sold a ticket! The ticket man also target’s women, but I think it’s more to get their number than to sell her one... OMG He got her number! Ah, look at the face of victory! Now there are no more customers.

Choosing the right Path

Hey guys, I know that we’ve had some some good laughs and everything, but I want to talk to you about a personal madness that I have in me. I don’t know what to call it, and I think the idea is too big for me right now. I think I need to experience life a bit more before I can fully develop it, but I’m telling you, you have to believe in humanity. 

Believe that one day, we will all be under the same flag, we will all be united. We will have a “super culture”, where all cultures are blended and mixed. We’ll all talk one language, and we will all be unified, no more wars, we will be a civilization who pursues science, and the goodness of humankind.

Do you think I'm crazy? Of course not, look! In the past we were all part of small tribes. Then wars started happening over land and territory. After these wars, certain groups allied with others to become more powerful against other groups. With time, they created countries, and then these countries unified (Look at Europe). In time, all the countries will unify! Sure the first generation will not be happy, the 2nd generation should be happier, and the 3rd generation should find their world normal. We will survive. Before, we had to choose the right partner, now we have to choose the right path. We should stop trying to compete with each other, we should be helping each other! 

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If we compare our evolution to Ancient Rome, humans are Rome and nature are the barbarian camps that surrounded us.

From time to time, a bee may attack us, but the bee will (hopefully) never win, as we are much more evolved than them! We are the victorious species in this war we call life!

Stay Stupid

I remember when I wanted to stay stupid, as I told myself the world and certain things are so depressing, I didn’t want to know anything about it and I would rather stay ignorant...

Everything would make me sad. My loved ones arguing, feeling like I had hurt someone, war in far off lands, impoverished children having nothing to eat. All of the horrors of the world affect me greatly.

As I grew older, I created a bubble around myself, I didn't want to know what was going on on the rest of the world, because it was just depressing. This is probably why I never got interested in politics.

As time grew on, learned to deal with it.

It was that or cry at the beauty of sunsets everyday!

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I finally understand! I understand nothing, I can just hear each syllable, that, when connected in a specific order, create words! It’s very weird...

Subjective Memories

Waow! I’m rereading this journal, and I feel so immature! I wonder if that means that I have grown up since then! I was 22 years old when I started this journal. Oh well, everyone changes and evolves. I've always felt that I evolved later compared to others in the social aspects of my life. I am very slow, like a snail. 

Aah well, as I said, people change and it’s good to evolve with your surroundings. When I smoke up, I rekindle my childish ways, and I like it, it’s fun. I know that it’s not very mature by today's society to stay childish, but it’s my style, I feel comfortable in that zone. For now, being childish has not made me any less anti-social, and I know how to be mature when the situation calls for it. I've written in this journal during different periods of my life, so I guess I am influced by my own past? But isn't the past just memories_ I have poor memory, does that mean if I had perfect memory, I'd be a different person than I am now?

If I am able to change a memory, am I able to change my past, which means I can change my present? If I change my memory, and I am aware that I changed my memory, which one do I choose? Can I choose both memories and tell myself that both happened  even though they contradict each other? Can I choose one of the memories to be true at one point in my life, and choose another memory to be true at another part of my life?

If I am able to make up any memory, and regard them as true, can I basically be anyone that I want to be, at any given time, simply by reshuffling my memories around? Does it matter what is true in the end? Isn't the truth subjective? What if I find that I rode on a dinosaur as a child, and I really believed it, does it matter if it even really happened or not?

Oh memories....how true, false, complicated and simple they can be at the same time :)

The 3rd Leg

Imagine if we evolved with 3 legs, one in front of your crotch. What would cars look like? The bicycle? Would we put our third leg in front or behind? Would we have evolved with the same mental capacity as we have now? Where would our sexual organs be found? At the end of our toe? 

I would love to teleport myself into a (three-legged) world! Would pants be more expensive as they would need to use more material? Would the evolution of that third leg have created an environment so diffrent, that world peace would have been established long before the invention of the first lightbulb? 

Would they look at me weird since I’d only have two legs? I would think so yes, or maybe they would just think me disabled, and shoot me thumbs up admiring my ability to walk on two legs oh so perfectly.

Assholes

Why don’t assholes like assholes? Let me think for a second. We could ask ourselves the questions, “What is an asshole?”, but well, an asshole is an asshole, period. 

I think that assholes are not as open minded as most people, and when two non-open minded people collide, there is nothing one can do but watch the carnage bloom. But why are they assholes? 

It could be that when they were kids, they were mistreated, and that their parents were assholes to them? It could also be that they are sad or just had a bad day. I too am temporarily an asshole when I am tired or when the shit hits the fan. (my fan is very high, shit almost never reaches it, I am calm like a bomb.) Everyone has their moments of assholiness.

I remember back in the day, when I felt uncomfortable when writing in you in public, but now I don’t care!

Nature's Defence

I learned the other day (Saying “the other day” is very vague, don’t you think? It could be yesterday, 6 months ago, or even longer! And what if this is information that we’ve learned from the future!? Can we still say "I learned it 'another day'"?) 

Anyways, when the grass got eaten by predators, the smell of the cut/eaten grass would attract other insects that would attack the grasses predators, who would eat them. 

Not to shabby of a defense! Everything in nature evolved a trait that permitted them to survive. It may have been though speed, camouflage, smells, natural weapons, etc. It could be a number of things! Next time that you see a plant/animal, ask yourself, how did it make it this far into the future? How did it evolve to survive, to rise against the competition?

The 4th Dimension (with Sonic the Hedgehog)

The 4th dimension is time, but how do we understand it?

Imagine you are a creature of the first dimension, where you can only look left and right. Ok, that’s a horrible example. Imagine that you are Mickey the Mouse on a piece of paper.

Mickey can go right, left, and jump up, but he can’t see you. Ok, my picture sucks, imagine Sonic! Or Mario! On the Super Nintendo! (or Sega Genesis, whatever). They never look at the player, as for him the third dimension does not exist. We can see him, but he can’t see us! He only sees his digital world!

Now, imagine that we introduce an apple into his world (Let#s change Mario to Sonic, since I’m not the biggest fan of Mario, probably because I’ve never owned a nintendo console in my life, whom knows...)

If Sonic the Hedgehog had a camera that took ten photos a second, and it took one second for the apple to traverse through the screen, Sonic would see only minuscule slices of the apple. He would look at the photos that he developed from his camera and basically see a a small line that basically starts growing and shrinking again, and . From the photos in front of him, he would have no idea what the actual shape of the object is. He would just see lignes.


I’d like to clarify that someone of the 4th dimension can not see his own life, but can see all of the life of the people of the 3rd dimension.

Imagine that the apple represents your life. The apple goes through time while we see each section of the apple. We will never see the apple as a whole (We will never see our lives as a whole). We live our life from one moment to the next. Imagine if we could see our lives (The whole apple!) in it’s entirety. We would see our birth and our death and all the moments in between! This is what 4th dimensional beings see, this is what god could be. But if we can see everything, are we still free? Are we still free to choose our own destiny?

Yes, because with the 5th dimension, we see that each action we take creates an alternate branch or reality.

Creatures of the 5th dimension can see all possibilities of their life. I would love to tell you more, but I don’t know anything else really, apart that there are 13 dimensions (Under M Theory?). Don’t worry, I’ll make a part 2! (Maybe!)

Flying with the sky (May delete this page)

Yesterday, I read that the oxygen in airplanes were “purer” in the past, because the people were allowed to smoke, so the planes had to have a system in place to recycle oxygen.

Nowadays, the air quality is supposedly not that great, and people who travel a lot are at risk of getting very sick, but I forgot what the disease is called. We are finally flying! The world is a huge painting at this altitude. 

OMG Turbulence! 

Naw, it was alright, didn’t last for very long. Did you know we are all created from the same matter that makes up the whole universe? It makes logical sense! When a huge sun explodes, all of the particles disperse, and come back together to create planets! And if the conditions are favorable, life will be created on the planet! 

All of this coming from an exploding star! I wonder what space is made of. Can one create chemical reactions in space?

Oh gosh, I’ll have to look it up, but I think chemical reactions are possible as the sun is a chemical explosion, no? It takes 8 minuets for light to travel from the sun to the earth. Is that 8 light years?

Mold (A Poem)

There is mold in my chocolate
The chocolate has been cold for a long time
Alone on the table, it holds itself
Alone on the table, we forget it's existance
Only the mug holds it's comfort,
With its pretty porcelain arms,
One needs the other,
The other needs no one,
Only its virus will kill it,
Mold, take me away.
.
.
.
End.

Tidy up your Mind

Cleaning. It’s a very important part of life. Not only is your room cleaner, but your life also feels cleaner. This also applies to life, one must clean and be clean with your friends, your relationships, your family etc. You have to have confidence in people. If someone does not trust you, you should “clean up” with them to understand why there is no trust. Everything has to be crystal clear, like your room and those crystal clean, non-smeared windows. Sometimes people will hurt you without stopping and that’s when you have to pick them up and throw them in the trash like yesterday’s filet mignon.Sometimes, when we are unorganized, we must also clean up our bad habits, and tidy up our good ones. If we don’t tidy up after ourselves, we are lost, and we create bad ties with others, which make us feel alone and it becomes worse everyday. One day, there will be mold in our hot chocolate which has no longer been hot for quite a while..
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.The assholes create pain in our lives, but we must love them too!

B.R. (Before Rogue)

It would be great if everyone had a journal. I remember when I was little, I had a “journal” that I was obligated to write in for one of my teachers. 

I would invent stories thinking they were truth. For example, I once went to some type of carnival with my school, and I remember getting lost in a labyrinth. I had written my journal that my friend, Tony Ciprioanno, was with me, but I later learned that he was not even there that day.

Anyways, I find it crazy how I really thought that he was there. I remember showing him the page, and he insisted that he wasn’t even there. That’s when I realized that I was crazy! OMG Rogue! I had something to tell you! I think I had a journal before you! 

But, like I said above, I had to do it for school, so it doesn’t count! But I remember that my mother read them and she cried! I wonder why! Do you think I wrote about my emotions? Was I a sad fucked up little child? Shit be crazy! I’ll ask her one day if she kept them, I would love to see what I wrote when I was younger! Probably stuff about Batman, but I can’t be sure. Alright, I think I’m gonna go to bed now.

Can a handcuffed Italian communicate?

There are "hard" languages and “soft” languages. For example, I’d say that German is considered a “hard” language, as it doesn’t sound very fluid. My question is, are "hard" languages related to the aggressiveness of a population? 

Does having a "hard" language make a population more aggressive, while a "soft" language make them more docile? Does a population with a harder language mean they are more aggressive ? I would like to find a correlation between languages spoken and aggressiveness. It would be very interesting subject.

You'll be Refunded in Hell

What if my plane falls, will the company reimburse my family? I fucking hope so! They are contracted to bring us to our destination! What if the plane crashes at the designated airport? If that was the case, I’d agree that they wouldn’t have to reimburse anyone, as the plane would have made it to its intended destination and completed its contract. 

What if we crash halfway though the trip? Do they reimburse half the price of the ticket? So many questions, so many different situations! When I'm in a plane, I look at people and tell myself “that kid is three years old, and he’ gonna die, because the plane is gonna crash! What a waste!"

I have a scene in my head where everything is calm, people are laughing, sleeping, and then “Boom”, alarms blaring, everyone is panicking. I would love to tell myself that I would laugh in this situation, or that I would look at the person besides me with a huge smile on my face, as if I knew exactly what was going to happen.

Dolphin Express

I think it would be cool if one day... Floogin’ PopCycles, someone just came to bother me, my bad. 

Anyways, I was saying that it would be cool to wake up one day, go to the airport, take the first plane you can afford, and leave for a little while, with no suitcase, with nothing. When you arrive, the challenge would be to go back home without any money. 

How would you do it? Would you put yourself in a box on a boat, and you hope that no one finds you? If they do find you, what would they do? Will they throw you in the water? What if you don’t know how to swim? Do they alert the dolphins? Wouldn’t if be great it we could communicate with them, and they would create a business called “Dolphin Express”. 

They’d do it for free, or for fish or sushi. But humans would probably use them as slaves, as it is in our nature to pull of crap like that throughout time. Can we go against our nature? Is it in our nature to follow our nature? Do we all have personal natures? Is my nature the same as everyone else’s nature? Ah, the ticket-master just appeared! I’ll be back!

The Rule of Three (I may come back to this Kr@zi theory)

I have an idea in my mind that is not yet developed, and my belief in it can be considered balls deep. When an action is done, we always do three things. For example, when you take a photo, you look at the subject, you think about how you will take the photo, and you think of how you will modify it on your computer. No actually it's a horrible idea! There is no rule of three, the world is a chaotic place ! Is it a rule that the world must be chaotic? Maybe it’s not chaotic, but so structured, that we can’t understand everything, all the rules are mixed like the ingredients in a cake.

....

I can make this page better.

Hello, Me of the Past

Yesterday, my girlfriend read your pages out loud, and it made me feel weird, as if it wasn't me that was talking, as if the slippers I was wearing were not my own. 

My mind pondered, “Shit, did I ask myself that many questions in the past? It's incredible how I've changed in a year and a half.” 

In the past, when I used to watch a scene or write about a subject, I had many questions in my mind, for example, if I saw a dog bark, I would think “Where is his master? Does the dog like his master? When the dog farts, does his master laugh, or tell him to go away? Does he try to show off? Is he homosexual?” 

Now, when I see a dog bark, I think “Cool”, as if I didn't care. What changed? I feel like I live life more in first person mode now. I think of my girlfriend, my work, my camera, more about physical things than mental things. Is it better? I don't really know, all I know is that yesterday permitted me to say hello to past-me again.

The Ideal Phrase

Tell me some ideal phrases, phrases that would motivate me to do things. I find it funny that at certain moments, we feel like we are on “top” of the world, that we can do anything, and at other moments, we don’t feel well, we feel like we are obsolete, and the rest of the time, we don’t care.

Maybe I’m just describing myself.

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The media kills the ingenuity of our imaginations.

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Why are there so many types of doctors for humans, but only one doctor for animals?

Let the Record Skip

Like a good song on a bad album, one must always listen to others ideas, even if they are stupid!

-You never know, maybe something intelligent will come out of there mouth one day!

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I said the above in my younger years, but as I grew older, I realised that no one is stupid really. We are all intelligent in our own domains. What you may excel at, another may not, but may be better at other things. We are all trying to live through life to the best of our ability. It doesn't help people to call them out on something you may know a bit more about. Have you ever been the new guy, and someone smugly mocks you for your errors? Have you ever been in the reverse position, where you did the same just because it was done to you? Why do people like to imitate what was done to them? The bullied who starts bullying? This I will never understand.

Addiction

When one starts a topic, one must always define the topic, right? The topic today is addiction. 

What is addiction? To be dependent on something, a substance, someone, something, that we feel that we need. Is it really essential? Is addiction a pleasure? Sometimes addiction isn’t a pleasure, and this is when addiction comes into play. If we take pleasure in it, it can’t be an addiction, even if we do it all the time, right ? 

Sometimes we don’t take any pleasure from it, but we have to do it anyways, but then why do we do it ? Money ? Pressure from others ? To please them ? Is the act of pleasing people an addiction in itself ? Even if it causes us pain ? Does doing something that we don’t want to do, but we do it to please a 3rd party, bring us pleasure from pleasing them?

It’s a double edged sword. We pay a company to not be poor. We work a horrible job to attain money, to buy materialistic things, to feel better. Fuck, I bet this is a boring topic! When I draw, does it reflect me in that moment ? If I am thinking this, the response must clearly be yes. But wasn't this journal originally supposed to be  a place to write lucrative ideas? Have I already written about boring things and half serious subjects in the past? I don’t remember, too lazy to reread. 

Honestly, when I started this journal, I didn’t even think It’d go past 10 pages, but I really think it’s great that I continued writing. I feel like I’m this lonely guy writing in his journal, locked in his room, sitting on the toilet, or on the tram when he is brave enough to face the the onlookers. 

Sometimes I wonder what I crossed out on page 10. What was the question? Maybe it wasn’t even a question. Maybe it was a thought, and I put yes or no at the end to make future-me think that it was a question. How tricky of past-me. Would present-me have also crossed out that thought? I don’t know! Do I regret it? I don’t care, past-me probably had his reasons. Maybe past-me wrote bullshit, and he knows that the me of all-time has horrible memory, and he crossed it out to make future-me paranoid. 

I made a star on page 10 to warn future-me or other people of this “shitty joke” that past-me created! I am a dirty bastard! (I still do love me!)

...

One time, I was drunk, and when I woke up, past-me put a glass of water on the table near my bed! Thank you past-me! <3

...

“Look at that guy over there, writing in his journal! He probably thinks everyone is staring and talking about him when in fact, no one is! I bet he's paranoid as fuck!” 

-Said an onlooker, loudly.

The Science behind the Bed

In the future, I will have a house. It won't really be a house, it will be more like a giant bed with a roof on it! Every floor will basically be a giant mattress, with mattress walls! I don't know if the ceiling would be made of bed, or just have a giant dome. The rooms will be littered with pillows, bean bags, comforters, duvets, blankets, etc. You'll be able to bounce around, and sleep wherever you want. It will be made from a material where stains are easily washed. Even the toilet and kitchen will be "Bed-ified"!

There will be rope swings, slides, projectors, many a things!

I like beds, you can chill, eat, watch movies, study, cuddle, have sex, do exercises on unequal surfaces  you can basically do anything on a bed! Now imagine if the whole house was a continuous bed :o

Wouldn't that be amazing!?

I think so :D

Nature❤Pollution

Let’s allow nature and pollution to embrace each other

It’s been more than 150 years that they have been together

Without pollution, the most beautiful of sunsets would never have been realised

The sacrifice of ones health for beauty

Like eating a tasty, but greasy steak

The Mute

I’m thinking of nothing. Why? When we have nothing in our minds, how do we function? How am I writing words on this page? I actually have NO thoughts in my brain at this very moment. Are people often like this? I guess that one positive thing is my mind, which is calm, there are no arguments going on right now. Everyone is asleep. But, at the same time, I’m writing! Is my mute voice taking over? Maybe the paper and the pen is the only way for this voice to communicate with the world.

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- AHH! HELP ME! I EXIST! RELEASE ME FROM THIS INFERNAL MIND!

* Calm down little one, talk to me, what’s wrong?

- I WANT TO LEAVE THIS PLACE! IT’S HORRIBLE! THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE! THE FOOD IS ABOMINABLE, AND I’M BORED AS HELL!

* What if I freed you, what would you do exactly?

- IF I LEAVE, I DIE! I AM THE MUTE THAT LIVES IN THE BRAIN! IS THIS YOUR LIFE OR MINE!?? ARE THESE MY WORDS!?

* Shut the fuck up, you mute...

The Cookie Lesson (Life isn't Fair)

Life isn’t fair. I don’t understand why people don’t understand this. When people are children, they, for some reason, develop an idea in their heads that they have a right to fairness. But why do people think it true? One of the first lessons I will teach my children is that life is not fair at all! That way, when they become older and life treats them unfairly, they will have already understood the lesson, and it will have no adverse effect on their happiness!

If I have two children, I will give one child one cookie, and the other child two cookies. The first child will probably not be happy, and this will be a great lesson to teach them about how life just isn't fair.

When both children are in their rooms, I will go to the child who had one cookie, and place two more into his hands, whispering "Life isn't fair" as I leave the room.

While everyone is complaining about how life sucks, my children will have learned this lesson long ago, and may reminisce about their grand old dad teaching them their life lessons to them, while others may never learn them at all. They will learn that it is just the way life is, that's all.

---

Another lesson is to think about the future.

If something happens, ask yourself, will this affect me in 5 years?

If not, then why be affected in the present?

---

I'm probably going to be a horrible dad and ruin their childhood...Oh well  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The Reusable Condom

Today I saw a video of a person who found a wallet from the 1930’s. In it was his birth certificate, and some condoms. The condom wrapper looked very weird. I didn’t know condoms existed back them. When were AIDS “invented”? OH yeah, I just remembered  that I saw an article of the first condoms, which were made of pig skin. They were reusable too! I can totally picture a modern day family, with a box of reusable condoms, the husband asking the wife if she could wash his condom tonight, the wife finding a used condom that she's never seen before in a little condom box. The man saying he never cheated and likes to pleasure himself with condoms, but never wanted to admit it to his wife, for fear of being shamed by her. Her asking if that was the case, why he always insisted to not wear condoms when they had sexual intercourse and always wanted her to be on the pill, but she didn't want to because it gave her a mild allergic reaction, but he never listened to her anyways, all he ever thought about was himself.

Such is life in reusable condom land.

A Lick and Two Quotes

I want to lick this journal in between its pages and smear myself in it. I want to be its beating heart, the one that goes Boom, Boom, Boom.

Why does man always want what he doesn’t have? Why not content himself with the stuff he does have? Does the man who has everything become bored to death? When I think of topics like this, I tell myself the content of my journal should have a more serious tone. I have nothing else to write, here are some quotes I made up.

...

...

I’ve never had the courage to be someone else, so I stayed myself.

Everywhere I go, the future is there...Please stop....

An Object of the 5th Dimension, an Eye that follows Everyone without Fail.

Sometimes, there are people in the street that stare at me, and I tell myself that they are my children/great grandchildren that come from the future, but they don’t talk to me because they do not want to change the present. .
.
.One day, I will approach them and give them a hug.

Our luck being alive

I can't see anything. My eyes are dead. Without technology, I'd be an animal who cannot see his prey, who would ask help from other animals to help me survive. I wonder if all wild animals have perfect vision. Can a non-perfect animal survive in nature? If an animal is born with 3 legs, it would certainly die. It could not pass on its genes to the next generation. Humans often pass on their rotten eyes and sicknesses to their children, the reason being because of the existence of technology. Sometimes I wonder if intelligence was an error in our evolutionary growth.

Was is a good error? I think it was. It permits the people who are not perfect to live, to express themselves, to feel the good and the bad sides of life. Do I fully appreciate the good fortune I have of simply existing? That if my father had slept with my mother one hour before or after, if my grandfather had never met my grandmother, if I had never won the race against all the other sperm, I would not be here, and maybe someone better or worse could be in my place? Someone who would have affected a group of people? Someone who could have helped them or destroyed them? Am I to blame if people are in pain? Should I have left my place for someone else, someone who could have helped the world better than I could? 

Could another “ME” have helped others more than I could have? Is it my fault that others are in pain, because of my stubbornness to want to win in this race we call life? Did I cheat to win? (Can we cheat?) Should I be the best, to do everything in my power to be on “top”, to prove to all my comrades (??dead or alive??) that I deserved it? 

I’d lie if I said I didn’t have nightmares about this...

.

.

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Someone else should have won the sperm race....

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.

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God Gave the Gift of Intelligence to some,

To others, He Gave the Gift of Speed

To Cheat is Man's Gift to Himself.

-Paraphrased "The Simpson's" quote.

My God Complex

Today, I have realized that through this journal, I can relieve my god complex, not to control, but to create. I have this fantasy built in me to create things. I think that it all started with legos. I created simple things, such as houses, special planes, towers, worlds, universes. I love games like SimCity, creating their homes. 

When I made connections with people, I felt like I left a stone in them (as they have left stones in me), a stone that is part of a building (of character). Once, I helped my grandpa put posts on his field to create an inclosure for his sheep. I felt like I had created a new world for them! 

When I teach English to children, I feel like I am manipulating their brain for them to understand the language. When I learn things, it feels like I'm adding bricks of information into my own mind. I realize that I am my own god! I'm pretty sure you'll find me crazy (if you meet or read me). I suppose that you'll be correct, but I think that we are all a little bit insane in our own right. Some of us hide it better than others.

In essence, I consider this journal to be a world:

.

Every letter a ^City

^..

Every word a ^Planet

^...

Every page a ^Universe

....

Every journal, a GOD.

.....

We are are own Gods

I like writing, it makes me feel good. I don't have to repeatedly think of a subject over and over again. The dolphin story was tormenting me, but now I don't have to think about it because I know I can access my thoughts from from my journal. This journal is an external disk drive, I should have done this a long time ago. I feel like a philosopher, like Plato and Descartes before me. I wonder, do people realize how they behave? Do they realize when others are annoyed by them? 

Do they stop and think “Wow, I'm annoying, I'm gonna stop.”, or is it an unstoppable force in them that they cannot control? Do they want to change? It is a good thing to change all the time? I've read that more “evolved” people have an easier time changing. This is probably why older people have certain aspects of their mentality that are harder to change (while younger people have an easier time to change and manipulate their own brain.) I wonder if, when I have reached a certain age, I will accept societies new ideals. I think that, in the future, their will be a huge asexual movement,  and more rights for animals. 

Men will be able to wear dresses, and white people will be a great minority. There will be no more white or black people, just a mixed color. People want keep their nationality, their name, their colors, their gender. I am against it because fuck you. I don't care about being French, white, a male, a LAPORTE, I am not proud at all. I belong to no group. Groups only create hate towards other groups. Look at what the religious groups have done throughout human history, the pain, the dead and the tears. I suppose that religion has also done good for many people, but I am certain that these people would have found something else to nourish their souls if it had not been their said belief.

I don't understand the mentality to be part of something that is greater us. Why can't we be ourselves? Alone and unique, with others of the same mentality as us? We are our own gods. There is nothing greater than us, we are all the greatest! There is no need to search, they are all around us, family, friends, strangers. Does god have a god?

"It is humans that have created god, and not god that have created humans."

"Your brain is your god"

I wonder if in the future, my mentality will have changed, and if everything written in this journal will be considered bullshit. Please future-me, don't throw me away in the trash ! :(

The Dolphin Theory

This is my first sentence, I am outside waiting for the tram, three more minuets to wait, while writing with my new BIC pen. What else can I say... other than dolphin flesh can be found in tuna cans ?

THE TRAM JUST ARRIVED!

Here I am in the cold, writing in my journal. Should I give him a name? I don’t know. Sometimes I wonder if people ask themselves If I’m wondering what I will write in my journal. Do I want the rest of the world to read my journal, or do I want to keep my thoughts to myself, and only myself? Will my children read my journal? Will they think that I'm a dumbass? I hope so.

Alright, now let's get back to the dolphins. I'm certain that they taste delicious! I’m also pretty sure that when fishermen catch tuna, they must also catch some dolphins in their nets, and cut them up into a million pieces to sell them on the market.

Apparently, dolphins are intelligent creatures. I read an article (On the internet of course) that dolphins are too intelligent to be held in zoos. So if we compare zoos to prisons, it would mean that dolphins are more intelligent than prisoners! Maybe, to become truly stupid, I'll have to commit a crime. That way, when I get out of prison, I can become a dolphin!

Not so stupid now, huh?  If we compare prisons to zoos, I think we should be able to visit prisons. We’ll throw bananas at them, and the kids will be happy. All this writing has made me thirsty, I blame our ancestors, the fish! How much water does a fish drink per day? When water enters their body, does it come out anywhere? Like urine? I don’t know, apparently urine is composed of 70% of what our saliva is made of, and it’s healthy for the body!

Rogue: Stay Stupid

Welcome to my journal of thoughts.

This is the Swiss cheese version of my journal, where many things are cut out from the original, and some minor things are added from other sources of writing, to create a fresher pace than the original.

For example, one quote I wrote in my journal says "I think better when on the toilet."

Although this is true, is it really important to include? Some might say yes, others no.

I may change this page at a later date.

Probably.