Oh my rogue! I hate the person I have become! Always paranoid about living in the exterior world! Before I lived in my own mind, and it was awesome, I thought about things, I played games in my head, I was always preoccupied! Now, I live in the real world, I see things as they are and not how I can interpret them, and it’s boring. Buckingham really hasn’t helped me, all the drugs have stolen me from myself. I really want to be the Mika of the past, without any doubts, live life to the fullest every day, see the world differently, but it looks like all of that has finished.
I don’t want to accept the person that I am today, I am bored when I am by myself, and I hate it. How do I become what I was before? I don’t know... It’s probably impossible, and I will be stuck in this mentality until the end of my life. I suppose I must accept who I am.
After my “transformation”, I was scared of people, they are cruel, and I think they don’t even realise it, or it’s so ingrained in their nature, that they don’t even see it themselves. I understand the meaning behind “Haters gonna hate”.
Sometimes I do or say things to myself or others without thinking and I ask myself “Why did I say that?” I don’t really mean it and I hope that the person didn’t think I said it on purpose. Anyways, I try to keep smiling, and I suppose that my poor memory helps me believe that everything is OK. I want to be above all of this like before.
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